Oscar Wilde, born in Dublin in 1854, became one of the most celebrated literary figures of the Victorian era, known for his wit, paradox, social satire and association with the Aesthetic movement. After studying at Trinity College Dublin and Oxford, he built his reputation as a poet, essayist, lecturer, novelist and playwright. His major works include The Picture of Dorian Gray, Lady Windermere’s Fan, An Ideal Husband and The Importance of Being Earnest. Wilde’s public career was later shattered by his 1895 trials and imprisonment, but his writing remains central to English literature and modern conversations around identity, performance and self-expression.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
— Oscar Wilde
The line appears in Wilde’s 1895 play An Ideal Husband, where Lord Goring says it to his butler, Phipps. SparkNotes notes that the scene works as a comic display of Lord Goring’s dandy-like self-absorption, but the line has lived on because it also speaks to self-worth and identity.
Meaning of the Quote
The quote should not be confused with vanity. Vanity depends on being admired. Self-love, in its healthier form, depends on self-respect. It means treating yourself as someone worth caring for, protecting, correcting, and understanding. A person who does not value themselves often looks for outside approval to fill that gap; Wilde’s line suggests that the more lasting work begins inward.
The deeper lesson is that self-love is not selfishness when it produces dignity, boundaries and emotional steadiness. It becomes a lifelong romance because it requires attention, patience, forgiveness and renewal — not once, but again and again.
Why This Quote Resonates
AI-era work is adding another layer of pressure. Microsoft’s 2026 Work Trend Index says anxiety around AI at work is real, from fear of job loss to pressure to keep up with rapidly changing technology. In such a climate, Wilde’s quote becomes more than a clever line. It reminds people that self-worth cannot depend entirely on professional certainty, public approval, or being constantly useful to others.
A person with healthy self-love can adapt without collapsing. They can learn new skills without shame, accept feedback without self-hatred, and set boundaries without guilt. That is why the quote still speaks to modern readers: it turns self-love from a luxury into a foundation for resilience.
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
— Oscar Wilde
This line is widely associated with Wilde’s essay The Soul of Man under Socialism, where he reflects on individuality, freedom and fuller self-expression. Taken with the primary quote, it creates a rounded lesson: loving oneself is not only about feeling good; it is about living more fully.
The first quote asks people to build a lasting relationship with themselves. The second warns against merely existing through habit, performance or conformity. Together, they suggest that self-love should lead to a more honest life — one in which a person knows their worth, expresses their individuality, and does not shrink only to be accepted.
How You Can Implement This
- Speak to yourself with basic respect: Notice the language you use after mistakes. Replace “I am useless” with “I made an error, and I can correct it.”
- Set one clear boundary: Say no to one demand, conversation or habit that repeatedly makes you feel small, used or emotionally drained.
- Stop outsourcing your worth: Before seeking approval, ask whether you privately respect the effort, honesty and intention behind your action.
- Build a self-care routine that is not cosmetic: Sleep properly, eat better, move your body, read, journal or spend time alone without turning self-care into performance.
- Accept imperfection without surrendering standards: Self-love does not mean excusing every flaw. It means improving yourself without hating yourself.
- Celebrate private progress: Keep a small record of things you handled better — a calmer response, a brave conversation, a healthier choice, or a task completed with discipline.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
— Often attributed to Oscar Wilde
The exact attribution of this popular line is debated, but its spirit fits Wilde’s public image as a writer of individuality and self-fashioning. The real lesson of “To love oneself…” is not narcissism; it is inner companionship. A person who learns to live with themselves honestly is less likely to beg the world for permission to exist.
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